Why Not Prepare For Caregiving?

At a social gathering a woman at my table stated she had not thought about herself as a future caregiver. She told me; “My parents are fine right now and thinking about them needing my care is scary.” Her comment made me think about what holds adult children back from preparing for caregiving. I see four reasons:

First: It’s scary. Certain factors make circumstances feel scary. When we don’t know what to expect; it’s scary. When we don’t know how to respond; it makes us feel helpless and scared. When we don’t know where to get help; it makes us feel alone and scared. No one wants to be in that situation. It’s normal to withdraw when we don’t know what else to do. There is a better way; preparation.

Our society has found ways to meet other challenges by preparation. For example, I live in tornado country. We never know when the weather will change. Yet, we don’t sit paralyzed: we prepare and respond. We have weather warnings, sirens, shelters, and drills. We may have tornadoes, but we don’t take these lying down! Because society prepared, life goes on.   Life could go on for caregivers as well if they were prepared.

Caregiving preparation follows the same preparation pattern. Learn about it. Make contingency plans. Engage others effectively. Preparation removes the scary parts of the process. I developed a course, Preparing to Parent Your Parent, to help new caregivers or future caregivers do that.

Why do some people respond to a course for caregivers like this? “I’ll deal with it when the time comes.” Really! Think about the other ways they prepare. Would they wait until their car slid off an icy road to check the tires in winter? Did they wait to study childbirth until they were in labor? If they would do those preparations; why not do the same for caregiving? The worst time to make plans is in the midst of a crisis!

A second reason for hesitation: The same person described her concern about elder-related information. She felt like she had so much to learn she didn’t know where to begin. She wasn’t sure how she could remember it. Information overload is a 21st Century condition.   Some people have described it; “like drinking out of a fire hose”! The internet doesn’t give caregivers ways to order, relate, and manage information. We have always had ways to manage information. Remember the card catalogue in the library? It helped us find the right book. We didn’t need all the books at once because we knew we could return to get more information when we needed it.   A caregiving preparation course does the same task as the library card catalogue; manage information. My course turns the information fire hose down to a drinking fountain!

The third reason future caregivers hesitate is they do not have role models from their early lives. There’s a reason for that missing link; the age change happened so quickly. Let’s compare; in Sangamon County, in 1910, the average life expectancy was 50-53 years (depending on gender and race). Compare that to 2010; when the average life expectancy was 77-78.8 years. That’s a big jump in only two generations! Contrast that change with millennia we have born children. People grew up seeing many adults caring for children. We received role models by social osmosis. We have not had the same numbers of seniors, for as long, very until recently. We don’t have an historic set of elder care wisdom yet. We can fill that gap with preparation. We can learn new skills just as we learned to drive a car. We can adapt to changes, just as we have adapted to the internet. We have already learned and adapted to other things; why not apply them to elder caregiving preparation?

The final reason caregivers might hesitate is worry about health. That is not a selfish attitude. Every organism is oriented to preserving itself. Taking care of ourselves as we care for others is an essential skill (and included in my course).   Many elder caregivers are also responsible for children, spouse, house, pets, and the job! It’s not selfish to be worried about how to will meet the needs of all these other people and the senior’s. It’s admirable to have these concerns answered.

Preparation is the key to helping caregivers remove fear, overwhelming feelings, missing role models and caring for themselves.



Who Is Right?

An adult child responded to one of my visit reports in which I had written about her Mother’s use of portable oxygen. She replied that her Mother really didn’t need it; her attachment was all psychological. The adult child told me the Mother had been previously evaluated for respiratory functioning and found “barely qualified” for oxygen. I replied that my observations didn’t confirm that; Mother was currently gasping for air upon exertion.

After a hospitalization, the tests showed the Mother had pneumonia. Pneumonia can be subtle in the way it looks to observers. We might think of it as a disease that leaves the patient unable to breathe at all unless aided. Not really. In my years working with seniors I’ve noted a variety of presentations. Some seniors describe a “smoker’s cough”. Some seem to have a cough that just hangs on. Some report they have “allergies” (that present as a cough). Some of these self diagnoses turned out to be pneumonia. This is a factor that should not be left to chance.  Remember Jim Henson (the creator of the Muppets) died of an untreated walking pneumonia.

We need to check because what we can see may not be the whole story. For example, I asked one of my social workers about a reported reference to a senior’s cough. She said the senior had this symptom for some time. I required her to get the senior an evaluation.   The tests showed a severe pneumonia that required hospitalization!

How can caregivers know; we’re not doctors? When I talk to seniors, I keep these three points in mind; frequency, intensity, and duration. When the cough has hung on a long time, it’s a duration indicator. Ignore self diagnosis and get an evaluation. Why, because seniors are more at risk. They may not be as active, they may be overweight, or they may have compromised immune systems. Just because a senior was once evaluated doesn’t mean they are still functioning in the same way.

Who was right; both of us. The adult child observed her Mother clutching the oxygen tanks.   She did. I observe the Mother struggling for air when she transfers to and from the car. She did. The evaluation didn’t throw out either observation, it linked them. The Mother was struggling and responded by becoming hyper aware of her oxygen tanks.

It’s helpful to remember this tale when home care, or facility staff report an issue. Their report may differ from your observations. Evaluations help provide answers and directions. Ignoring reports can lead to more complications.




Seniors & Fake News

4 Foods That Could Increase Alzheimers Risk And Memory Loss is an eye catching, and you might want read more.

However….. this is pseudo news! Yes, memory problems are major factor in senior health. Yes, a good diet is helpful. NO research sponsored by the Alzheimer’s does paint the same picture as the article. I reviewed the research summaries of the projects the Alzheimer’s Foundation has funded. They mention a heart-healthy diet and recommend two; the Mediterranean and the D.A.S.H. (Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension).

Yes, the Foundation does connect heart health and diabetes prevention with Alzheimer’s prevention. However, they caution readers to remember that the disease is “complex of interactions among multiple factors such as age, genetics, lifestyle and coexisting medical conditions”. Some factors like one’s age or genetics cannot be changed. Some factors like diet and lifestyle can be modified. Contrast these statements with the statements in the article. There is no mention of other factors. It might mislead one to think that changing diet alone will prevent Alzheimer’s!

The article makes no mention of exercise and social engagement. Yet the Alzheimer’s foundation considers them equal factors. The Alzheimer’s website further explains that large studies show “associations” but these are not proof of cause and effect. Thus, research has found that people who follow a healthy diet, get regular exercise and are socially engaged are less likely to suffer memory losses than those who don’t. We don’t know the WHY yet. The article does not explain that diet is only one factor.

Finally, I entered each of the compounds mentioned in the article in the search window of the Alzheimer’s website: NADA! There was no mention of nitrites, Diacetyl, or Nitrosamines. The article mentions processed cheese, beer, processed (cured) meats and microwave pop corn. These are not on the list for the heart healthy or D.A.S.H diets recommended by Alzheimer’s research.

Pseudo news can be mis-leading.  People suffer.  Example; fake news articles can lead people to think that certain miracle cures will take away chronic health conditions.  Fake news has led lead people to do things that injure others and themselves.  Remember the man who took a gun to a pizza place because a fake news article reported that Hillary Clinton was running some nefarious operation out of the basement!  Fake news is mis-leading= leading in the wrong direction.  Everybody suffers. That man who stormed the pizza place now has a criminal record.  The pizza place now has a ruined reputation.  People got hurt. We all must protect ourselves from getting hurt by analyzing news stories on the internet.

Fake news is not new; it’s just packaged in a new format: the internet.  Real reporters, subscribe to certain rules such as interviewing witnesses and cross-checking stories.  A real reporter would have been required to go to the pizza place and check out the story BEFORE publication. That reporter would have to answer to the Editor and the newspaper company if anything went wrong. To what authority does an internet author answer? A reporter who created fake news would be fired.  Who “fires” an author on the internet?   The newspaper would be required to print corrections or retractions. What internet author do you know who has had to print a retraction?  Those rules are not yet part of internet reporting.

Trustworthy newspapers also subscribed to the rule; “All the news that’s fit to print” *.   Reporters do expose’s but these would be backed-up with research data; remember Watergate?  Even in the days of newspapers, there were those publications called “yellow journalism”.  The trustworthy newspaper standards were adopted by radio and television as they developed. Thus, the media present when your parents were growing up also tried to provide reliable information.  Unfortunately, the internet is so new that we have not yet developed a filter to separate the reliable from the unreliable.

We must all analyze what we read. We must all cross-check information with reliable sources. Some seniors may see the internet as just like a newspaper or radio. It is important to explain to them that the internet is different because no journalistic standards have been set yet.

*New York Times



New sick leave legislation for Illinois: It’s about time!


The NPR December 29th story, Illinois Issues: New Laws In 2017,   is on the enlargement of the scope of sick leave policies in Illinois. On January 1st, 2017, employees can take paid time from work to care for other family member’s medical needs, including their parents or in-laws. Adult children are bombarded by so many sick leave issues. They often have the house-the spouse-the kids-AND Mom!   Suppose their spouse has a medical appointment for which they are not allowed to drive themselves? Does the employee take the time and lose the pay? Must they choose between keeping a sick child home from school and missing a day’s pay? Since elders use the healthcare system the most, adult children find those appointments more frequent and lost pay more of a burden. Since medical office hours usually overlap working hours, what’s the alternative for working caregivers? This change in law does not affect those employers who do not offer any paid sick leave.   However, it’s a first step.

Some concerns were raised about benefits. I see four. First, it keeps employees on the job. So employers avoid the costs of hiring, training and acclimation of a new employee.   Employees who might miss work are otherwise good workers. Why drive the good ones away? I’ve hired for two previous businesses and discovered that finding the right person was vital.

Second, employees who receive this benefit will be even more committed to the job.   Many times caregivers have told me about the lack of support in their jobs. Thus when employees receive some support, it welds them to their employers.

Third, some “paid sick leaves” might be quite small. A caregiver told me her boss was upset because she was sometimes late (by 15 minutes) returning from lunch. Her Alzheimer’s-afflicted husband was still at home. She went home to give him his pills and serve him lunch. If she encountered a train blocking her return, she had to wait. What if the employer had staggered her lunch hour at a different time or she arrived 15 minutes early? A recent research by AARP showed we have 43.5 million caregivers in the US. An employee with caregiving duties is no longer an if; it’s a when.

Fourth, a Caregiver Emerita (her loved one passed away) told me she had to quit her job! Caregiving usually arrives as adult children are reaching the pinnacle of their careers. This should be the time of greatest economic gains, investments in their own old age, and buying power. Those are lost when employees are forced to choose (or quit). The bottom line is businesses are organized to make money. They do that by selling goods or services. If there are fewer people to buy those things, the business loses money. Keep people on the job, it pays you, the employer.

Why is this legislation a good first step? We will have a chance to test the idea. Some businesses don’t have paid sick leave, others do. After a year, we can review statistics. I will look into my senior-oriented crystal ball and make some predictions. ONE, some caregiving employees will seek jobs in companies with paid caregiving sick leave policy. Thus, those employers will have the larger applicant pool. TWO, those employers who have paid leave find their turn-over rates drop. Even if some employees do not yet have senior caregiving duties, they can see how their employer treats coworkers. Businesses have two reputations; one is in the public sphere, the other is internal. Paid caregiving sick leave enhances the internal reputation. THREE, just the knowledge that caregiving employees have some help will reduce their stress. Stress is a major factor in illnesses of all types, especially chronic illnesses. How would you like to lower your medical costs? FOUR, I predict this policy won’t cost as much as it pays.

Tune in again at New Year’s 2018 to see how the policy affected caregiving employees and their employers. HAPPY   NEW YEAR   TO ALL!



(Funeral) Home For The Holidays

Families grieve the loss of a loved one at any time of the year; the holidays only add to the pain. Dealing with loss and grief are hard work for those struggling with dementia. One of my patients recently faced this triple impact. Her journey is a great illustration of the differences in that process.

When the senior was first diagnosed with dementia, she had arranged for her sibling to act as her agent under Durable Powers of Attorney for health care and finances.   Years later, her sibling became terminally ill. The successor agent took over but that did not resonate with my patient. She continued to see or call her sibling; nothing changed for her.   Eventually, the disease worsened and she and I were called to a final visit in the hospital. I and her sib tried to explain that this was the final visit. (I took a photo of the two of them together). On the return, my patient showed no signs of acknowledging her sib’s impending death.

When the death occurred, I visited to tell her in person. She did not seem to remember our final visit in the hospital until I showed her the photo. Upon seeing it, she looked as though she was going to cry but didn’t. She asked why the photo was taken in the hospital.   Our conversation began with a re-explanation of the severe illness. She denied it’s seriousness at first. My patient mentioned medicines in a questioning tone.   I re-explained that medicines could not cure this. Again her eyes got red; no tears. She had “adopted” many stuffed animals, now she held several in her arms. She pointed to a Christmas decoration and fiddled with her socks but kept hold of the stuffed animals. I expressed my sorrow for her loss. She looked at me with an expression of fear. I put my arms around her and told her that she would not be alone. I named all the people would still be there to take care of her. With those words, she cried.

Processing grief for those with dementia is like shoveling snow with soup spoon. One of the effects of dementia is loss of vocabulary. How hard is the grief work for us? How much harder is it when one is at a permanent loss for words? Therefore, it was as important for me to “read” the behavior as well as listen to my patient’s words.   For example, on the return trip from the hospital I noticed that her behaviors appeared to ignore the visit. These behaviors did not match my patient’s red-rimmed eyes. I sensed that she was trying to absorb the experience.   When my patient pointed out the tenth set of Christmas lights; I reached over and took her hand saying, “I’m here for you”. She didn’t mention Christmas decorations again.

Sometimes I responded to her behaviors as replies. By speaking to the behavior, she seemed to grasp that I was trying to understand her. I found it was not helpful to repeat things. It was more important to read her and give her openings to express herself in the medium of her choice. I also found that she could only stay on the subject for a short time.

Some staff at her facility wanted her to be sure that she knew her sibling was dead by repeating it. I’m not sure that tactic was helpful. My sense is that my patient did know on one level and was trying to absorb it on deeper levels.

In some ways, her methods of processing grief reminded me of the way small children process. When she looked at me with an expression of fear in her eyes, she reminded me of a small child learning a parent has died.   My patient is aware that she can no longer take care of herself. I responded to her fear of being left alone (without care). Thus, her tears may have been a sign of relief as well as grief. When we experience loss as adults, our grief is not mingled with a sense that we are in danger of being without someone to care for us. Our grief resonates on another frequency. I found it was important to “tune” my ears to the frequency of grief processing in dementia.

In my experience, dementia patients know in some ways about a loss. They also process better when presented with concrete items like photos and a prayer card with a picture of the deceased.

It was her sib’s wish that my patient not attend the funeral. I could not imagine her dealing with so many people offering condolences. Instead, I took the prayer card to her the next day. After we discussed it, we took it to the nurses’ station together. There, several staff admired the card and offered my patient their condolences. Thus, my patient received acknowledgement on a scale that fit her abilities. She nodded her head to each staff member and seemed uplifted by this part of the process. I anticipate this topic may come up again. I will respond to her expressions when she wishes; be those in words or behaviors for short time periods.


Tis the Season to Defraud

The holiday season partly overlaps Medicare Part-D enrollment as well as end-of-year tax planning. Scammers will be calling your senior. As the family gathers, remember these topics and discuss them with seniors.  Here are a couple conversation starters:

“Have you heard that people are pretending to represent Medicare by calling folks to ask for their Medicare numbers? Have you gotten a call like that?”

FACT: Medicare already has your number. Please check their MSN sheet (it says this is not a bill at the top)to check for charges that are not theirs.

“My Friend said they got a post card from a company offering free back or knee braces to people on Medicare. Have you seen mail like that?”

FACT: Only your doctor can prescribe equipment. Talk to your doctor. The “offer” is another way to get personal information.

“I see many commercials about insurance company offers for Part-D drug coverage. Do you have a Part-D plan that covers all your medications?”

FACT: Part-D open enrollment ended 12-7. However, if your senior took a plan because of pressure from an aggressive salesperson, you may be able to change it. Contact the Area Agency on Aging for Lincolnland, Beth Monnat; 217-787-9234. Each Illinois AAA has a contact person.

“I’ve heard some people are getting calls from the IRS asking for personal information and claiming they owe back taxes. Have you heard about it?”

FACT: The IRS does not need personal information, they already have it. They do not call, they send letters. If your family member received such a call, contact the Area Agency on Aging or the IRS.

I receive these alerts in regular email notices. They are published under a grant from the Department of Health & Human Services, Administration for Community Living. This is part of the Age Options program.  Subscribe by contacting Jason Echols, MSW, at jason.echols@ageoptions.org             Stay safe this holiday season.


Cortisol made my pants too tight OR The influence of Cortisol on waistline weight

We all know Cortisol is a stress hormone. You may have heard that prolonged stress can lead to central weight gain AKA waistline weight. What you may not have heard is how to respond to waistline weight. Even I developed waistline weight due to stress and I write about these issues.

My story: My daughter was pregnant with her second child. She planned a C-section delivery.   I was surprised when she announced she was already in labor as she collected me at LAX.  It was two days before her scheduled C-section! Instead of getting settled-in we were off the UCLA Medical Center for an assessment. The next two days were a circus of progress and setbacks. These culminated in an emergency C-section delivery.

I was with her behind the surgical drape: the anesthetist didn’t see a bag of IV fluids leaking; I did and reported. My daughter lost 2 liters of blood which required a draw to order blood. I was steadying her arm and wrist so they could take the sample. I looked at the monitor; her blood pressure was dropping FAST! The leaking bag of IV had never been replaced.   Another one was hung (#4) and the anesthesiologist went to get a 5th. Another bottle of a different compound was added to her IV. A second surgeon scrubbed-in.   I watched my daughter float in and out of consciousness. When she was conscious, she complained of pain. That required two boluses of medication delivered to the port for her epidural site. Finally, the main surgeon lowered the barrier drape so I could see her. She said they might not need the transfusion. Her brow was sweaty but relief was written in her eyes.

How long did it take you to read that paragraph? That’s how fast all these events took place!

My daughter’s post-operative course was initially very bumpy; so was the baby’s. I stayed with her in the hospital. Her stay was extended due to those complications.

The night before she was due home, I came back. What a mess! We all left in a hurry and it showed. I did four bags of laundry, changed sheets, washed long-dirty dishes and tossed rotten food as well as some general cleaning. All of these tasks must be completed by 11:30-12:00 the next morning for their homecoming!   The circus just moved home and included another ring; the 2-year old grandchild. No matter how we had tried to prepare her; the 2 year old was still leery about this baby who was not visiting, she was staying. Every night, I fell into bed about 10:30 and got up at 5:00am to do more laundry, more cleaning or more cooking prep before my first grandchild awoke. Then the circus began anew.

My revelation; One would think that all this activity might reduce my weight; not so. When I dressed to fly back, I put on the same pair of slacks I had worn on arrival: they wouldn’t close! I had to borrow a diaper-sized safety pin to hold them together. At first I puzzled about my diet. Then I realized I had succumbed to central weight gain from Cortisol.

My response; Now I knew the pathway to reducing my weight. Contrary to most weight-loss advice, running, lifting weights and other vigorous exercise does not work to reduce the Cortisol dump. Instead, one must create pathways for calming. Instead of reading on the plane, I chose a seat by the window and “studied” clouds. I reduced my caffeine intake. I took short walks, not race walks. I practiced guided imagery and deep breathing process. I also had to practice “kitchenus interruptus”.   That’s the tendency to head for food when one is really not hungry. Things are better now so I can resume my regular exercise program.

This plan does not mean one can eat cake and mediate it away. It does not mean one can only do deep breathing exercises and not get physical exercise. It illustrates methods for lowering Cortisol first to clear a path for other weight loss methods. We are not immune to stress but we need not succumb to it either. Are you finding waistline weight since caregiving?


“I Don’t Need To Check My Sugars.”

A surprised adult child told me that her Mother was recently hospitalized because her blood sugars were too high to even test. When the senior was asked, she replied that she didn’t see the need. She added that she was drinking extra orange juice. (The logic of that escapes me) The doctor hospitalized her and would not release her back to her independent-living home. Let’s unpack this situation.

First, seemingly-sudden changes like these are common in seniors. The issues range from blood sugar levels to refusal to use an appliance, or a refusal to follow dietary guidelines. These refusals usually involve the management of chronic conditions. Chronic conditions cannot be cured and continue the rest of their lives. The management of a new condition adds to the management of previous condition(s). These tasks become a full-time job! A former client lamented that she had not had time to clean her refrigerator. I pointed out that she was now doing in-home dialysis. I asked her to view this as a new full-time job (and give herself a break). Ask yourself if your senior has a full-time management job. Is this incident your senior’s way of saying they are feeling overwhelmed?

Second, the situation may seem sudden to you; it isn’t. Think about the last 2-4 weeks. There were probably some early warning signs you didn’t realize were signals of change. Did the senior make a comment such as I don’t need my walker any more, or did they complain about all the bathroom trips due to the water pills?   These may have been their way of showing you that their tolerance for these life-style effects was sinking fast. Some indicators take the form of behavioral changes. The senior referenced earlier had forgotten an appointment three weeks prior; she never did that before. Ask yourself is this change a sign of deeper issues?

What could you do with the change? The immediate response may involve a move to a more supportive facility or bringing help into the home. Beyond those plans, there are deeper issues such involving the senior’s will to go on. Have they just lost their driving privileges? Did their best friend pass away? Are they having more problems getting out of the house?

One of my former clients was down cast because her recent health issues required her to give away her beloved dog. She could not keep up with its care. My conversations with her did not center on what had happened but around what it meant to her life. At the same time, the grocery store had a sign, “Take a bird to lunch”. I asked her if she would like to investigate the idea together. She purchased a bird feeder and some seed and had it put up outside her window. From that moment on she was involved with her birds. Ask yourself, what do all these management changes mean for my senior’s quality of life? Is there any way to give something back?

Sometimes there is no way to compensate for all the changes. It’s time to shift to a different paradigm. Our society has no cultural tradition for leaving life by decision. Elderly Eskimos decide when it is time for them to go. They leave the igloo in the spring and get on the melting ice to float away. Our society allows similar decisions such as electing to remove life support under a DPOA. Those measures only apply in extraordinary situations. We allow cancer patients to decide if they want to discontinue treatment. There are other reasons why an elder may decide to leave that are not cancer-related. Ask yourself, is there a deeper agenda operating here? If so, how can I come to terms with that agenda within myself?

I have seen more than one elder decide it is their time to go. Their decision contrasts with medicine’s orientation to preserving life. Preservation of life is a laudable goal but should not remove an elder’s personal decision.   Preserving the senior’s decision may be the more important form of preservation at their point in life. Some seniors find it hard to discuss their decisions with their adult children.

The roommate of one of my former clients related the events leading up to the Mother’s death. She told the daughter and me that they had discussed her Mother’s decision to go and prayed together. The Mother told her roommate that she did not think she could have this talk with her daughter. The roommate said she was instructed by the Mother to explain this to us after the Mother’s passing. It came as a surprise to the daughter. She and I discussed its impact. I offered that it may have been her Mother’s last form of parenting; to spare her such a difficult discussion. Actually, I thought the daughter, who had health issues of her own, would have been overwhelmed by a direct discussion. (Perhaps Mother knew best) Ask yourself, how would I handle such a time-to-go discussion?


The Eyes Have It Or…

Why Seniors May Not Comply With Medical Orders

I was recently diagnosed with a slightly elevated pressure in one eye and blocked oil glands in my eye lids. This experience has given me new insights into the process of compliance with medical orders. First, a context; I have been disgusting healthy. My doctor could not believe that I took no prescription medications! This diagnosis came as a shock.

Blinking exercises were ordered. I had to adjust my daily routine to fit these exercises in four times each hour. It took me a week to find spaces in my day to do these as I exercised, cooked, wrote these blogs, and worked with clients. It took more than effort, it took my energy. I was so tired! I was also determined to make it work. Fortunately, I was only incorporating routines related to one diagnosis; what if I faced that on multiple diagnoses?

Many seniors face simultaneous, lifestyle adjustments related to various conditions. Pile these adjustments on top of each other and you have a recipe for exhaustion in mind and spirit. At first I was frustrated with myself at being tired. Then I realized that I needed to be patient with myself; incorporating takes time. I imagined myself folding the exercises into my life as one would fold ingredients into stiffly-beaten egg whites; carefully and methodically. When caregivers observe a senior in frustration or despair; we should recognize it as a normal expression of adjustment-related low energy. Caregivers can work with them to find ways to make adjustments “fold” more smoothly into their lives.

Two eye-soaks a day were ordered for me to unclog the oil glands in my lids. I collided with mechanics! Heating the washcloth in the microwave required many attempts to get it just the right temperature. Handling and folding the hot washcloth presented other issues. Arranging my early morning and bedtime routines for “soak space” was another process. Sometimes, the time would get away from me and I couldn’t do it. Sometimes I got involved in something and forgot. Creating a new routine also takes time, planning, energy, and patience.   Seniors need those too.

Consider your senior facing a new medical routine. Do they forget sometimes? It’s not dementia it’s a new part of their lives. Does your senior express despair? I’m not surprised; after many attempts with hot washcloths, I wondered if I would ever get it right. Caregivers can help by pointing to all they accomplished earlier in their lives. Caregivers can affirm that forgetting in the beginning is not unusual. Caregivers can support their senior by discussing ways to make the process workable.

Lubricating eye drops were ordered for me. That’s a skill I never needed before. What a comedy of errors!       I didn’t know drops could run in so many directions, everywhere except my eyes. It took many attempts to get it right. Practice was my key to success. My determination supported my practice. My incentive fueled it all.

How many seniors need to learn a new skill to comply with a medical order? Many do. Have they given themselves an injection before? Do they know how to apply a supportive bandage or appliance? Do they know how to care for new dentures? Skills take practice and time. Seniors may say “I don’t want to bother (or) it doesn’t matter” to caregivers. What they are really saying is; “I’m struggling to learn a new skill (or) I need guidance and encouragement to become successful”. Speak to the emotions underlying the struggle. Offer confirmation, affirmation and support.

Caregivers become frustrated when they see the new dentures sitting on the counter, or mishandling of injection equipment. We often attribute these failures to stubbornness. Caregivers see these failures in terms of their consequences; receding gums or infections are serious. The learning curve on a new skill is also serious. It really takes several sessions to help a senior learn a new skill. I was only given 5 minutes by my doctor! Our job as caregivers is to help the senior get around their learning curve. Part of that process is to call on their determination and review their incentives. What are your seniors’ incentives? When have they employed determination in their earlier lives? Review their success history with them. My determination came wrapped in an incentive; I will have a second grand child in two weeks. I want to see these children grow up. I want to participate in their lives; for that I need eyes. The eyes have it.