There it is: the street where you grew up and the house coming into view. All your memories flood back as you park the car and unload the bags.When you come inside, things aren’t the same. No decorations and no special smells or music greet you. Your parent is delighted to see you, but that is as far as it goes.
Holidays reveal the way things are now. It takes extra effort to put up decorations and bake special dishes. Your parent may no longer be capable of doing the extras.
Let’s talk about how that scene might make you feel. It is hard to view your family home, which is both familiar and unfamiliar, in its lack of holiday efforts.Perhaps, in your heart of hearts, you had a feeling things would be different this year. Perhaps, you even felt some physical symptoms as you reached the old neighborhood.Perhaps you felt irritable during this trip.The intuitive parts of us “records” small bytes of information from contacts with our parents earlier in the year.These impressions were stored away because the other parts of our lives are so busy.Impressions don’t go away because we grew up with these parents.We know them in depths we cannot put in words. Your intuition is now comparing the way things were with the current data and flashing a signal to prepare you: heed the signal.Once you understand that these vague physical symptoms and irritations are signals they lose their power. We answer phones, buzzers, and timers: this is just another signal. You are not getting sick, but you may feel sick at heart. Feeling a sense of loss is real. Realizing things have changed is also real. Feeling sad or lonely is real.
Here we are at the doorway; what do we do with all those feelings?The doorway is not the place to deal with the feelings.Let’s go back through the process, and look for times and ways to handle your feelings.When feelings “hit you” that this will not be a holiday like past years?We have all had to make a speech in class or some other nerve-wracking event and we all know how we reacted then.We are the same people now.Your feelings will hit you, plan for it.
Take a moment for yourself when you feel symptoms or irritation.Yes, take a moment for yourself.You are important. You will not be able to cope with this process if you do not take yourself into account.If you are alone or semi-alone; put your pen down, take your fingers off the keyboard or put the cookie pan down.Feel the feelings.That includes shedding a few tears for some of us.Grab a tissue, a paper napkin on the desk, or a paper towel and let the tears go.Letting them go now will better than at your parent’s doorway.Perhaps you do not shed tears, punch something safe to punch!
Next; reach for your positive memory.Select one or two things that were special to you about the holidays at home. Was it music? You know where the records are stored and you can retrieve them.Was a particular dish? If you can’t bake it, there are people who can. Order it for pick up.That pick up trip could be an outing for you to share with the parent or a chance to give you a break during the visit.Perhaps it’s decorating you remember. Think those items and prioritize. You do not want to get everything out.Putting up a couple decorations is another activity you can share with your parent. Resolve yourself to the new situation. This will not be a holiday like the past it will celebrate the greatest present which is our presence with
A Senior Moment 