Holidays bring out the family.They join us for meals or they stay with us. When the visitor is an elderly person, getting their medications is helpful, but not enough planning. When the visitor is an elderly person what do they do while they are there?
Let’s consider some activities. Here are a couple guidelines to help you decide what works for your family.
How can you involve them as living history? Elders have a million stories, some of these small children have not yet heard even if you have heard them all. Topics like the way elders lived when they were the children’s age, and what Thanksgiving was like years ago, are great.
Great activities for children and elders are the ones are not central to the meal preparation or running the household. The elder can be with the children as they making place cards, “turkey hands” pictures, or stringing cranberries and popcorn. These add to the festive mood. Even if the elder cannot do the tasks, they can see the process.
Perhaps the elder wants to help you and you are not sure how well that will work. Give them an activity that is part of the process but is not primary: chopping the nuts or finding those tree decorations that need new strings. Sometimes, the offer the “help” is really asking to remember the holiday conversation, the sounds, and smells and enjoy these with you. If the conversation gets on touchy topics, you can always ask them to help you by doing an activity that takes them into another room.
Longer visits require a longer list of activities. Do you have old photos and a pencil? Perhaps they could “catalogue” those for you. Have you ever wondered who was in a photo? Ask the elders, they were there. Show old photos to children and let them ask questions. Just seeing black and white photos with ladies in hats is a change from today. Photos of older cars are a great topic for little boys and grandfathers. The goal is to engage at the pace the elder can manage and to share across generations.
Here are a couple “don’ts.” Don’t pack too much into the visit. Just sleeping in a strange bed or a different routine can tire the elder. See how they are doing and be prepared to adjust. And don’t just “deposit” them in a corner, away from the family activities. Even if the elder cannot do activities, they can absorb the atmosphere of the household. Don’t assume the elder does or does not want to participate in an activity – check and see. Notice I did not say “ask”, the elder may or may not give you a straight answer. If they look peeked, it might be better to let them off the hook. If they look excited, bring them along. Even if it is just going to the store, it’s time spent together. It’s the time that is the true gift of the holidays.
A Senior Moment 