Because my daughter is getting married in October, I decided to write these blogs about seniors and celebrations.
In ages past, seniors that survived were automatically included in celebrations. We see this in one of Jane Austen’s novels in which the mother, and her unmarried daughter, are both invited to a ball. Today, seniors may live in a different town, or a different facility. Inclusion is not as automatic. Yet, inclusion can heal. Involving the senior in the celebration stimulates them, and gives them something to connect to younger generations. I was speaking with a young woman who managed a celebration facility. She said, “My grandmother was not at my wedding,” and there was a haunted look in her eyes. Another family imported the groom’s mother for his wedding. When she passed away, those photos of all the generations on that occasion became priceless! I was accompanying the grandmother and supported her (she used a walker) as we “danced” together. I encouraged her grandson to also take her out on the floor. Grandmother’s smile lit up the room. That photo will light the future for her grandson.
When families hesitate to include people with special needs it is usually due to practical considerations. One family approached me saying, “We are not sure how to get grandma into the car.” Getting into a car is not the barrier it might seem to be.The question behind the car question is who, not how. There are people who know how.
When planning a celebration most families decide whom they want to attend. The next question should be how do they want the attendees to participate? As the M.O.B. (mother of the bride) I can share that my dress for the occasion does not include a cape. I cannot leap tall buildings at a single bound; I’ve tried. Put someone else in charge of that special-needs person for the occasion. Whether is it’s a wedding, christening, funeral, or graduation; the more central you are to the process, the more you need to enlist others. A caterer shared this story; the m.o.b. had to leave her daughter’s wedding celebration to take the grandmother home and help her get ready for bed. We love our parents, but this is once-in-a-lifetime occasion, and should not be missed.
Celebrations follow a plan for the day(s). Review that plan in light of the special-needs personnel. When I reviewed a wedding plan with one family, they had not provided a lunch for the seniors. One of them was diabetic. Instead of scurrying at the last minute, there was time to make arrangements and assign someone to handle it.
Bedtimes may be another issue. If a special-needs person gets tired how are you going to take them home? Enlisting someone at the last minute may create more problems than it solves. Have they been drinking? Would you, or your parent, feel comfortable going with them in that condition, in the dark? Do they know the way to grandma’s home? Is this person capable of helping grandma out of the unfamiliar clothing she wore for the occasion? Does grandma feel comfortable allowing them to help? How will this person do with medication administration or reminders? Time to think about these things
All of the above considerations may leave you feeling as though it’s a project in itself. Actually, I have found that families who considered these issues early on, faced the celebration much more calmly and could relax and enjoy your spec al people, with special needs on special occasions.
A Senior Moment 